Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Randomize
