So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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