I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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