Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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