my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
