Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
