Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
