At least make sure they are 18
Why
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
