It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
