Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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