U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
