My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
