is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
