the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
