He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
