just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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