Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
