Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
