I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
