The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
