Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
