You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
