Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
