hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you had me at cake vodka
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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