ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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