normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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