I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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