do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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