You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
