Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
