Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
