1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
