he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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