Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
