I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
