sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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