Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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