She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
