Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
