Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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