did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
