fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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