Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
