I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i think my cat just said my name.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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