btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
