yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
