shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
