I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
3pm strippers are depressing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
