Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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