I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
