I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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